I made a leap of faith and scaled internal walls by starting an online blog/journal. I need to follow it up. I found glimmers of passion within myself that I could not ignore and acted for once. I need to resurrect that. I am a very cautious and calculating person. I make lists and edit them a thousand times before I will even try. I didn't make a list when I started this. I just did it. But then it went on the list.
TO DO:
Laundry
Read History
Finish 50% of calc. homework
Post on blog
Pick up dogs
Manicure
etc...
I killed it. It became another thing To Do rather than Want To Do.
I had an idea that I could just magically post a new recipe or a food related tidbit everyday. The truth I think is slower and harder than that. And for me that's okay I just had to admit it. My writing became an obligation and when I could not fulfill that requirement I felt bad and ran from it all together. I said I scaled an internal wall, but as soon as the going got tough this girl got the key from under the mat and ran back though the door to cowered behind it. I'm tired of running and trying to be who I cannot be. I'm going to post when I feel the passion to post and never force my hand because then it becomes a stress, and that was not the intent. Once a week will be great, less is okay too. What it is, is my journey, and I need to see it that way. Here is to step one: Admitting there is a problem.
